Everything I Used To Be: Circe's Story
by KandiLips
Summary: Circe's past is filled with demons, and everything that could POSSIBLY go wrong did. So what exactly happened that Circe hides within herself? What dark secrets does her past hide? Rated T for child abuse and death. ..Some Circex..


_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_

_**Me: Heyyy everyone! Okay, this story will be EXTREMELY angsty, (and looooong as heck) and it will tell the very depressing story of Circe's past. IT HAS FINALLY BE REVEALED!! :O Okay, I hope everyone enjoys this as much as I did!! LOL And, don't forget to review if you like it, pleassse!!**_

_**STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I do not own Generator Rex. Darn...**_

Circe's POV:

"Circe..." Rex huffed breathlessly, smacking the volleyball back onto my side of the net.

"Yeah?" I slammed it down easily. Did Rex _really_ think he could beat me at volleyball? Well, he had another thing coming.

"Do you... remember anything about your past? You know, what happened before the explosion? Your family?"

I gasped, my mind soaring back into the horrible, vivid memories of my past. I staggered, and I lost the ability to breathe. My mind drifted back to the past, playing it all over again...

And I was suddenly so lost in the memories which I desperately try to forget.

I shut my eyes.

….........

If I could dream a dream that wasn't a nightmare, it would be about a real home. Somewhere where I wouldn't have to hide from the people who "claimed" to love me. Somewhere with no tears, no starvation, and no abuse. I've always wanted one, begged for one even. But when I try to scream out to the world that I am dying, no one answers. And I realize that death is my only companion.

I am…alone.

October 13, 1994

I was born into this world.

I was born with the strange gift of memory that allowed me to remember everything that has ever happened to me. I can remember every single detail of my life; the good, the bad, the strange. And within this gift is a curse; the burden that chains me down to my horrific past and condemns me to a future of permanent nightmares. And it's like the sweater that your mother's best friend knit for you and made you promise you'd wear; you simply can't get rid of it. It's my eternal handicap.

I can still remember the first sounds of my life; the frantic panting of my mother, the doctor saying, "Hold on, Aiyana. You've got this, you're strong."

I remember the shrill, piercing cry of my own voice while my mother let out tears of joy.

"She's going to be a loud one," The nurse jokingly teased while massaging my mother's back reassuringly.

"Oh, Aiyana, she's gorgeous."

"Yes…" My mother stroked my plump, rosy red cheek. "Yes she is…aren't you, Circe?"

My mother was the only person who has EVER called me gorgeous.

I remember a deep river of warmth and affection overcoming me at her loving touch and soft, gentle voice. I felt so secure, so safe.

"Oh…" My mother gasped. "Andromeda's on her way."

All the nurses rushed into place.

"Rick, please take…Circe," My mother wheezed.

And with that I was pulled away from soft, warm hands, and put into the icy, hard hands of a terrifying monster. I tried to squirm myself free, but it was no use. The iron hands held me there with such overwhelming force, that breath seemed to cease its flowing from my lips.

I knew he had loathed me from the moment I was born. The cruel, dark-as-night eyes followed me everywhere in my childhood, screaming silent pledges to hate me forever; gazing upon me with as much love and devotion that a man holds for the criminal who slaughtered his family.

My father, being a cold and harsh man, had never understood one's love for children. He wanted my mother all to himself, to love her, be with her. And he'd do anything for her as well, leading to his allowance of having kids, because she wanted us. As for us children, he could care less if we were hit by cars and bled to death.

So there I was; trembling in the arms of the man who I knew was tempted to throw me from the hospital window.

The nightmare lasted for a few more moments, but before I knew it, Andromeda, my twin sister had been born, and my father happily gave me back to my mother, where she clutched us lovingly to her chest and caressed our heads.

She sighed dreamily.

"Circe and Andromeda."

As the years went on, Andromeda and I became closer. We spent all of our time together, doing everything that we loved. When we were just toddlers, we would build forts out of the blankets and furniture in our cute, little Arizona home. When we both turned five, we started attending kindergarten at Southington Elementary School. No one could separate us from being partners for finger painting, not even the teachers. Andromeda and I talked alike, we even thought alike. And no matter how much I disagreed with her, I could not stay angry with her for more than five minutes, because I didn't want to be angry with her…ever. When we were away from each other, we felt a huge emptiness inside of us, like we were only half of what we should be.

My mother and sister Andromeda were the only comforts in my life.

My mother was a beautiful, gentle, warm, and affectionate person who cared for all living things, and tended to the most breathtaking, blooming garden I will ever come to know. Every night, she would read us the same book, _Sleeping Beauty_, because she loved that it had a happy ending, and it was our favorite. She always wore her wide, loving smile when Andromeda and I came home from school, and at seeing it, my heart would light up like fireworks in the night sky. I loved her with all my heart, all my passion, and she loved me back with the same feelings. If I were sick or scared, my mother would be there, caring for me and telling me she loved me over and over again.

Ten years later, nothing drastic had changed. Today was our 10th birthday, and we were waiting for our mom to arrive home with our cake. Andromeda and I were lying on our bedroom floor, drawing pictures of bunnies for a school project.

"Ugh! Circe, mine never come out right," she whined impatiently while making a desperate attempt to save her bunny's ear.

"It just takes patience and practice," I calmly replied. "And you don't have either. Here, let me help…" I outstretched my left arm to grab her paper.

"No!"

She yanked her paper back before I could get a hold of it, but I did catch a good glimpse of her disastrous work.

"Circe, you know I want to do this myself. It's an independent project, not a group project."

I giggled. "Ok, ok. Just thought you could use some help. Wow, Andi, didn't know you were that bad a drawing."

I laughed.

"Oh, haha. Well just to remind you, I'm the one who can kick your butt at sports. So you can stop the teasing?!"

I sighed. "Sure sis, sure."

"Good. Now go get me some more paper downstairs in dad's office, ok?" She smiled. "He will just love to see you down there."

I just stared at her. Who did she think I was, an idiot? Dad hadn't changed much since our birth; he was still that same, horrid man who hated children and kept his brain in his books at all times. If we ever disturbed him while he was working (which was all the time) we would be severely punished. And I mean severely.

But, before I could snap back some intellectual comment at my sister, the phone rang.

It had to be the library; they were coming out with the newest book to my favorite murder series, and I told the lady at the front desk to call me when it came. My heart skipped a beat. I dashed out of the room.

"Circe, where are you…"

I didn't have time to answer. Before I knew it, I had tumbled down the stairs, tripped over the rug, and landed a face plant on the hard, tiled flooring. A few seconds later, Andromeda calmly stepped over my body and reached towards the phone.

"You see? This is why I do sports and you stick with books. You can't even run without falling."

I glared at her.

She smirked as she picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

Andromeda was still smirking after watching my little episode, but that smirk vanished as a new, horrified look spread across her face. It was a look of such sheer terror that my heart felt like it had been liquefied inside me.

"Andromeda! Andi, what is it?!"

But Andromeda didn't answer. All she did was just stare wide-eyed into the distance and listen to the phone.

Suddenly, a strange combination of a whimper, a scream, and a sob escaped from her lips as her knees began to wobble.

"NOOOOOOO!" she screamed into the phone. "YOU'RE LYING! YOU'RE LYING!"

And with that, she threw the phone, looking away as it hurtled through the stained glass window, sending millions of multi-colored shards of glass flying through the air.

She was hysterical now. Never had I ever seen her upset like this. I rushed to her side, attempting to hold her down as she tried to bolt for the door.

"ANDROMEDA!" I yelled, "What IS it?? Tell me NOW!"

"M…mm…mom is….DEAD!" She screeched out the ending in an unusually high-pitched voice.

I released my hold on Andromeda's shoulders as I stumbled forward, so blind, so much in pain…

I gasped as I clutched my chest; pain the equivalent of a gunshot had started to erupt through my body. I kneeled over, sobbing and screaming out in mind-searing agony; my mother, the person who loved me…who hugged me when I was sick… who baked me cookies…who wore my favorite smile…who never yelled…who protected us from our father…who taught us right from wrong…who told me stories…who's soft shirt I would bury my face into when I was sad…

…was forever gone from me and would never come back.

I glided silently down the aisle, dressed in black and clutching my sister's hand. There was a big group of people who came to pay their respects to my mother before they buried her six feet deep in the ground. They all looked remorsefully at our family as we walked down the aisle, thinking they knew how we felt. They had no clue.

I blotted at my swollen, red eyes as the tears stung like bees and plummeted down my cheeks. But I couldn't stop them from coming.

Father was not holding back at all on crying. I had NEVER seen him cry before; it just went to show us how much he really cared about her, and how little he cared about us. A real father would have been consoling us and holding our hands in our desperate time of need, but he just kept on walking, avoiding our gazes as we tried to get his attention to tell him that we needed his love.

He had none to give to us.

We finally reached my mother's coffin at the end of the aisle. I dared a peek inside, only to sob even harder at the sight of my deceased mother.

She was beautiful, just like she was before she left us. She was wearing her favorite red and black sundress with her long, black hair flowing down over her shoulders. A single red rose was tucked behind her left ear, signifying her love for flowers and complimenting the red in her dress. I longed to see her big, magnificent dark brown eyes once more before she was buried, but her eyelids were closed shut.

"Do you girls have anything to put in your mother's coffin before they take it away? Now is your last chance." The preacher asked us kindly.

I slowly brought out the worn and tattered _Sleeping Beauty_ book from behind my back and tucked it gently under my mother's arm…the book that my mother had read to me countless times…the book that I treasured enough to give to her forever.

I thought about all the times that she had been there for me, all the times she had told me she loved me and made me so happy. I thought about how she had helped me to become who I was today, how she had encouraged me to do the right thing in situations. I thought about…how I would not have lived this long without her.

"Thank you," I told her, sobbing silently to myself.

And with one last hard look at my mother and a few kind words from her friends and family, they closed the coffin lid…

And that was that.

My father never really was himself since our mother died. He always muttered strange things to himself and beat the heck out of the chicken he was supposed to be cooking for supper with a spoon. I didn't even know that was possible. I feared he was slowly going insane, but Andromeda insisted he was just fine. And although that was reassuring enough to hear, my heart still bore a deep feeling of dread, because if he did go crazy, we would have nowhere to run or hide from him. Our house, being a private drive, was two miles away from the nearest neighbor's house, and it was beyond our abilities to outrun a grown man... but that wasn't a big worry of mine. I only focused on keeping myself and my sister happy; losing our mother still haunted and tormented us.

I though things were going just fine until one dreadful day.

I was finally giving Andromeda a drawing lecture when our father exploded into the room, knocking me off the bed due to shock.

"Hey, dad…I was just…" I began.

"I'M the one who's talking here!" He barked and glared at me. "Go make dinner, I'm starving. I have work to do. And the food better taste good!"

He slammed the door shut behind him, creating a visible crack in its wood.

I got up. "We better do what he says, Andy. If we mess this up, I don't know what he'll do to us. He sounded furious."

"Oh, he's not angry. He's just…a little absorbed with his work. He's still in serious mode."

But she followed me mutely out the room to prepare dinner.

I had observed my mother cooking dinner sometimes, but that was just never one of the many things she showed me how to do accurately.

I sighed. "Let's hope this works."

About an hour later, our soup was finished and we brought up a steaming hot bowl to our father, praying to god for the best.

We had just resumed our drawing lesson when our father stormed back into our room, grasping a belt over his back like a weapon.

"YOU TWO! You tried to poison your own father!! HOW COULD YOU! After ALL I've done!" He roared.

"No sir." I whimpered, my knees trembling.

Andromeda was hiding behind my back, tears welling up in her eyes as she shook like an alarm clock.

"Circe, you seem to be most responsible for this, so YOU get to go first. COME HERE."

I cautiously inched towards my father, never more petrified in my life.

He's going to beat me. He's ACTUALLY going to beat me.

_It'll be over soon, don't worry. _I repeated in my mind.

_Don't worry. Don't worry..._

"Closer." He growled.

When I finally stopped right before him I prepared mentally for the worst.

It wasn't enough.

The wrath of the belt's hard, metal core was unleashed on my back and I felt my body burn under its severe blows as it struck mercilessly. The iron buckle tore through my skin, shredding my once normal looking back. At last, he stopped and started laughing hysterically.

"Andromeda…" He reached out towards my frightened twin. "Your turn."

I shielded my eyes as he flogged Andromeda senselessly with the belt. I couldn't stand to watch her suffer that kind of horrific torment. Her shrieks and cries echoed through the house like those of ghosts, and the pain that it caused me to hear it was more unbearable than that of my own beating.

After he was done, he said, "If you tell anyone of this, if you call the cops, I will personally do away with you both before they arrive."

Then he left, just like that, without another word; as if enough had been said.

After that incident, Andromeda and I began to labor extensively harder around the house. But, no matter how hard we tried, we were still beaten; first once a month, then once a week, then once a day, then conclusively three time a day. We were so caught up with all the challenging tasks that we were doing, that our father made us quit school and "focus on our priorities" as he worded it. I now had no time to read my books, and I missed them exceedingly. We were often never fed; missing breakfast, lunch and dinner while our father ordered take out and greedily ate it in his office. Andromeda and I often ended up chewing on our father's belts for food. And it wasn't enough.

One night, Andi met up with me in a broom closet to devise a plan to escape our insane father.

"We could try to run for it," I suggested meekly.

"No… it's too risky. He could catch us, just think about it. He's a grown man, he could outrun us in a heartbeat, and plus you were never a good runner."

She smirked.

"Well then miss know-it-all," I teased lightly. "Do you have any good plans?"

"Hmmm," She thought carefully. "I've got it! If we could somehow get a hold of a phone, we could call the cops!"

"_Brilliant._ Remember what dad said? He'll kill us if we call the cops. Do you seriously want to die?" I casually picked at my nail. "I doubt you do."

"Fine then… just leave it to me." She rubbed her hands together mischievously. "I'll find a way."

From the malnutrition of our diets, I knew we were going to end up with some serious health problems eventually. I didn't know how long it would take, but it was pretty easy to figure out. For weeks, I feared sickness plaguing us.

And then my worst nightmares came true.

After putting up with six weeks of this horrid torture, Andromeda became gravely ill with tuberculosis. Our father believed that it was just a cough and that she was only faking it so she could get out of the house and find help.

She wasn't.

One day, I walked into our bedroom, and found Andi lying on the bed, coughing up a storm.

"Andromeda! Are you okay?!"

I rushed over to her side and seized her hand, hoping she would respond.

"Andi! Wake up! Father's coming! If you don't get up and work, he's going to…"

I was suddenly aware that the very man I spoke of was standing right behind me, belt in hand.

"CIRCE, MOVE OUT OF MY WAY!" He screamed as he kicked me hard in the gut, sending me flying into the bookshelf that collapsed with a low groan on top of me. I felt my body explode from the pressure of the impact. Miraculously, I didn't feel anything broken, but I couldn't budge from that spot. All I could do was just lie there and watch, feebly pinned to the floor.

"ANDROMEDA! I order you to stand up at once, and stop faking sick!"

But Andromeda couldn't stand, couldn't even answer. She was so lifeless, so vulnerable.

"Ohhhhhh," She moaned in pain.

I saw a single tear fall from her eye, and I knew she was in no state to get up, let alone move.

"GET UP!" My father screamed at her.

When there was no response, he picked her up by the back of her shirt, silently choking her. He raised his belt, ready to strike.

I had to help her. I grunted, trying to maneuver my body out from under the bookshelf, but I couldn't. All I could do was watch my father beat my weak, ill sister.

"NOOO! DON'T…" I screamed. But it was too late. He was already flogging her mercilessly, and I watched in horror how with every blow to her body, she seemed to be fading away…more…and…more…and…

A last, low moan escaped from her lips, and her body went limp in the hands of the murderer.

She looked so frail…so weak…….so utterly lifeless.

And that's when I knew she was dead.

I felt myself rip in half as my sister's soul rose up to heaven, leaving only half of a person left in my core. I howled and screamed out in pain as I felt my heart rupture inside my chest. She was my last friend; the only person left to love me on the earth. She was my twin, my sister. She had made me laugh, cry, and want to strangle her at times. We had played games together, drawn together, gone to school together, learned together, listened together, and laughed together. We were born together; we were born to BE together. And HE killed her. HE killed the closest person in my life just because she couldn't stand up!?

I snapped back into reality. He threw her body from his hands, hurling her into the wall like she was some worthless snot rag. _SHE_ was his daughter.

That did it.

I pushed up with all my might, all my will power. And somehow, I was able to lift the bookshelf off my shoulders and it crashed to the ground rattling the room.

I charged towards my father. Or should I say… the murderer.

He was NO LONGER welcome to be called my father.

"Back off, CIRCE." He growled.

In response, I picked up the belt that had cascaded across the floor after he threw my sister's lifeless body.

"Let's see how YOU like it when YOU'RE the one who's being beaten up!!" I snarled.

I started beating the murderer with such passion and anger that I scared myself. But the murderer was stronger, and he was able to grab a hold of the belt just as I was bringing it down upon him.

"YOU LITTLE…" He started.

I dashed to the stairs and sprinted down them. I was about to run out the door when I tripped over the rug and made a familiar face plant on the tile flooring, this time breaking my nose which oozed a big puddle of blood.

The murderer seized his chance and grabbed me by the legs, pulling me across the floor and leaving a sickening trail of blood behind me.

He started punching me in the gut; I could taste the blood in my mouth from such a hard impact. I felt so weak…so tired of running from fate.

Andromeda… mom, I'm coming.

I felt myself start to die inside, for the person I knew would always hate me was killing me; beating me senseless.

And then something strange occurred; I heard a loud boom and the sound of a door breaking down.

"POLICE…FREEZE!" A man bellowed.

But the murderer did not stop beating me; he was so furious with me for defying him earlier.

"I SAID FREEZE!!!!" The man yelled again.

The murderer did not stop, instead, he beat me harder now…any second…any second and I would die…I could feel heaven at my fingertips…was that Andromeda calling my name?

"Andromeda…" I moaned.

And then a single gunshot erupted through the air… and I collapsed.

Four days later, I awoke to find that I was not in heaven, but in a hospital. The doctor told me that my father had beaten my sister and I and had killed my sister. He told me that the police had gotten a call earlier from Andromeda who had somehow managed to sneak in a call on the phone, and my father must have found out about that and _that's_ why he killed her, just like he promised. Then, the police showed up to find him beating me mercilessly on the floor, and so when he wouldn't stop, they shot him and he bled to death. _He_ got what he deserved.

It wasn't until days later that I realized that I was absolutely alone…the last of my family.

And, after I was released from the hospital, I was adopted by the nicest, most loving foster home there possibly could be. Martha and Steve loved me as their own daughter, and I loved them back. I began to feel more whole than before…and somewhat happier. But not complete. Definitely not.

And, do YOU think my bad luck ended there? That fate ended its cruel, ruthless infliction on me?

No.

Approximately five years later, there was an explosion. Nobody knew how it happened, nobody even had TIME to brace themselves for it. All I remember is curling up in my comfy, backyard hammock, reading _Pride and Prejudice. _It was an ironically lovely spring day; the sun's warmth gently pouring down on the Earth, the birds soaring through the clouds, so free and careless...

If only _I_ should be so lucky.

I remember the ground suddenly shaking, the powerful tremors causing me to fall hard into the jagged cement, sparks of pain shooting up my back.

I gasped, forcing myself upright to stand on my shaky knees. My body trembled, _NEVER_ had there been an earth quake in Virginia!

Breathlessly, I darted through the basement door, my eyes wider than full moons. I dove behind the couch, just seconds before my world burst into flames.

For all the times that I had been disturbed in my life, this ranked one of the highest.

A deep, sickening sound erupted from what seemed like the Earth's core, and the planet was engulfed in flames. The explosion's sonic boom knocked me unconscious, my body flying sickeningly through the air like a comet and into the ground several hundred yards away. The force was so extreme that I broke practically every single bone in my body. I remember hearing a snapping sound as my legs buckled underneath me, the force dulling my mind and making me lose the ability to function.

And then I remember waking up. I remember being yet again in the hospital, the doctor telling me that I had lost my new family and that he was SO sorry.

Because _HE_ knew what it felt like to lose your whole family TWICE.

Because _HE_ knew what it felt like to have your father beat you.

Because _HE_ knew what it felt like to watch your twin sister die RIGHT before your eyes.

Because _HE_ knew what it felt like to be rejected, to be alone.

He didn't. _HE_ would never know.

I was instantaneously thrown into a fit of horrific screaming and sobbing, my shoulders shuddering and shaking, my knees giving way as I fell to the floor and collapsed...

I wanted to die. I wanted to be enveloped in complete darkness, to never come back. Experiencing this much horror, this much pain? It was excruciating.

A few weeks later, after I had recovered from most of my worse injuries, I left the hospital. They had been very nice and kind to me, I would give them that. But I had to leave, to clear my mind of everything that had happened. To _AT LEAST_ try.

If I could.

I spent that night deep in heart of the forest, huddled beneath the shaded limbs of an oak tree, lying on my back on the frigid ground.

I was deep in thought, my mind racing off again as I stared up at the midnight stars, the orbs of light twinkling in the sky like diamonds.

I had to hold on. I could tell that I was losing myself, I WANTED to die. And I wanted it so badly that it frightened me completely.

I sighed and sat up right. I remembered something my step mom had told me. If I was _ever_ angry or upset, I should scream. She told me screaming would get out all my pain.

It was worth a try.

I sucked in a deep breath, then leaned forward, screaming bloody murder at the top of my lungs. After everything that had happened to me, after EVERYTHING, I had never fully been able to be rid of it all, to lose all the anger, the hurt, the pain, the suffering...

Just then, so fast that I couldn't even breathe, I felt an undefined spark from deep inside of my core, and a secondary mouth fanned out from inside me own, increasing the scream's strength and power, lengthening the period of time that I could hold my breath.

I gasped, my hands shooting up to feel my new mouth. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!?!" I shrieked, sobbing heavily as I sprinted away deeper into the forest, trying hard not to collide with the trees.

But there was no point in running. Unlike most of the other problems I had, I couldn't run from this one. THIS problem was _apart_ of me... lying beneath my skin. And it was in that second that I realized...

No one would ever love me again. No family would ever accept me. NO ONE.

I was a freak...

….........

My eyes flashed open, the tears swarming rapidly down my cheeks. I fell backwards, bracing myself collide painfully with the hard ground. Because no one EVER helped me when I was hurt. I was an outcast, no one loved me...

but, instead, I felt warm, gentle arms swiftly yank my body up, right before I hit the ground. Rex's eyes gazed concernedly down into mine, the onyx color piecing into my soul.

"Circe... Circe, are you okay?" He gasped, sitting me gently down into his lap, his arms winding lovingly around my body, holding me close...

I burst into sobs, my shoulders shaking violently. Rex had been there for me. He had helped me, despite that fact that I was a freak. It was the only time since the explosion that someone had ever cared for me.

"Th..thank y...you." I whispered, my voice coming out in unsteady sobs.

"I'll always be here for you, Circe. Always." He held me closer, and I snuggled into his chest.

I smiled, my lungs incapable of breathing.

And I knew, right then and there, that I was no longer alone.

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_

_**Me: Awwww, even though Circe's been through a lot, she still has someone to look after her!! :D SOOO cute!! I wrote this because I can TOTALLY relate with Circe, well, not to THAT extent, but my parents died when I was a little kid, so I can relate with Circe THAT much. :/ Anyways, wow. This came out REALLLLYY long. Interesting. ANYWAYS, please REVIEW if you liked it!! :D Orrrr, If you DIDN'T like it and want to review, that's fine too. I'm open to discussion. Okayy, byee!!**_


End file.
